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Hello there!!

Did I tell you? We've moved!

No - not the West family . . . but Mothering Matters!

Check out the new "place" - mothering-matters.com

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Can't wait to chat with you over at our "new place"! Let me know that you've joined me over there - as I love hearing from you!!

Blessings!

Mom guilt?

Ok - so I have to admit, I don't know if I've ever had "mom guilt". Maybe I did . . . once . . . when I was a younger mom . . . but since much of my memory seems to have left through my breastmilk given to my 4 precious kids, in addition to adding on one more child (via adoption)- to an already crazy and busy household, that younger me quickly vanished amidst my wrinkles, sagging skin and C.A.A.D.D (Child Activated Attention Deficit Disorder). This leaves me in ignorant bliss (or contented apathy?). :)

Seriously though - Have you ever had "mom guilt"? You know - that guilty feeling that creeps up and invades every mom cell in your body when you first go back to work after having a baby? Or maybe it was when you finally decided to go out on a date with your hubby again . . . 5 years after that baby of yours was born?! :) Or the time you went out with your girlfriends - but you couldn't go out till 7 (gotta help feed the kids). . . no . . .8 (I really should give them their baths) . . . no 9 (I don't "trust" my hubby to put the kids in bed correctly, or safely, or at all . . .) . . . Shoot - just forget it. Let's plan a girl's night out in about 18 years!

I am a FIRM believer in mom's taking time for themselves! Now - I am not a lazy mom who only thinks about myself and is just constantly doing what I want to do regardless of my maternal responsibilities. No, I pour my life into my kids in many ways. But I know (and my hubby knows . . . and my kids know) that I am a MUCH better mom when I have had a "break" from time to time! As the old adage says "When momma ain't happy - ain't nobody happy!" It's so true!

I guess my question would really be - Where does this guilt come/stem from? Who told you that you had to feel guilty for taking time for yourself?

Think about it! As a child we are naturally self-centered people (and many adults are still!). When a child comes along - our mother instincts kick in to nurture, protect, manage, feed, etc. (and even change a few hundred dirty diapers! Though, I think that's an instinct I wish we didn't have!) - and suddenly we feel like we cannot think of ourselves anymore. Why? Where did "we" go? Did the "self" part of us just vanish once "mom" came into the picture? Do we have whispered words in our head planted there from others, media, our own mothers, mother-in-laws, well-meaninged (or not-so-well-meaninged) friends - saying "you're not a 'good mom' if . . . "? Where is this guilt coming from? Do we have a hubby that we just don't think is "capable" of handling HIS child by himself? Have we encouraged, empowered and enabled that myth to continue in someway so that it continues to be a reality? Are we being a little too perfectionistic in our mothering? Does a mom not have a support system (hubby, family, friends)? Why not? There are mom's groups out there - there are other moms who could use a support group too, or just a friend . . . so go support each other! We are all in need of a break, support, encouragement - and to hear the words "It's ok to be YOU and to enjoy some things JUST FOR YOURSELF! Your kids will be better off for it!"

Guilt is not something anyone can make you feel. It is a choice you make - to accept and hold onto those feelings of guilt or not. I once heard someone describe it this way. Guilt is like a rock. Someone hurls it at you - "Man - I can't believe you would do that. . . . I would never do something like that . . . you really should have done this . . . I would never parent my kids that way . . . etc." You feel that rock hit you. Ouch! You now have a decision to make - but unfortunately, many people do not know they can even make this decision.

"What decision? Someone just made me feel horrible! What decision do I have to make . . . hurt them back or not hurt them? Throw insults at them about their firstborn child?"

No - the decision you have to make has nothing to do with the other person. You cannot control anyone else but yourself. The decision is - do you hold onto that "guilt rock" or do you drop it to the ground and say "No thanks. I'm not going to accept that guilt rock from you today."

Remember - this is not your rock. It's not your problem that the other person doesn't like what you do/say, how you parent, that you are not following "the norm" of what a mom should do, etc. You do not have to accept that guilt they are passing on to you (whether intentionally or unintentionally). Drop it. Choose not to accept it. Don't carry it around. Let it go. And know that, YOU are the best mom for your child . . . but to be the best mom - you need to BE the best YOU (and not just "Sam's mom")!

So the real question is . . . Who are you? What are you passionate about? What do you enjoy? Who are your friends? What support do you have during these challenging years of raising little ones? Start taking some time for yourself (even if it's just 10 extra minutes in the shower . . . with the door LOCKED and loud music playing so you don't hear the kids trying to bang down the door!). :) Go out to eat with your hubby or your girlfriends. Take up a pottery, painting, or photography class if that's something you like or are passionate about. You need it! You will be a better mom because you will be a better you!

I've been a stay-at-home mom for the last 6 years. The 1st year that I was home 24/7 was really hard (especially since I quit work at the beginning of June - when school ended, my MOPS and Bible study groups ended for the summer, etc. UGH! Dumb timing!) . My 1-2 days out of the house a week to work (and use my "adult" brain and college knowledge and degree) was my sanity break. :) People would always ask me - "How can you work with 4 kids?" I was a better mom because I was working just a couple days a week. It was the breather I needed to refresh my mind (and get it out of the diapers and tantrums!). I enjoyed my job - so it definitely was my sanity break. I didn't neglect my maternal duties - and my husband and I worked out a way to limit the amount of time we needed a babysitter. It also enabled my husband to become a better father! He learned that he really could handle raising his kids! Some teeth might not have been brushed to a mother's standards, and the kids may have worn their clothes to bed from time to time, or eaten cereal for dinner . . . but they are still alive, healthy and happy! :) And so am I!

But what has kept the "me" part happier these last 6 years at home - was being involved in a mom's support group called MOPS (that encouragement and support was crucial!), Bible study and Women's groups at my church, taking a photography class, other classes, traveling to see my sister in NYC and even Switzerland and and Paris (breastpump in tow as my son was 5 months old!), as well as the date nights with my hubby, going out with girlfriends or family members, etc.

So - go get involved in something you enjoy! Even if it's only for 10 minutes a day, or 2 hours a week . . . find something! I used to buy my favorite magazine (a non-parenting magazine!!) as I didn't think I had time to read a book. When I was breastfeeding, or just for 10-20 minutes after the kids were napping, I would flip through my magazine. It wasn't much -but it was something . . . just for me!

After 6 years at home 24/7 - it did feel good to go back to work seasonally this fall giving flu shots. Wow - there's a real world out there! :) I realized I had been home too long, when I accidentally called a patient and a fellow nurse "Babe"! :) Hey - no guilt here! Maybe it's been awhile since anyone called them that! :)

Enjoy being a mom and being YOU . . . guilt free!

It takes a village to make money from home!

What the heck am I talking about? A village? You thought the saying was "It takes a village to raise a child".

Yes - I've heard that too . . . and I agree (in many ways). And, come to think of it - THIS village could help you raise your child(ren) as well!

What I am talking about is a new way to make money from home. I know way too many moms who complain to me that they just wish they knew a way to make some extra money (even before our economy became so bad). Are you one of them? I know I am. Well . . . read on!

Do you hate watching the ads on tv, hearing them on the radio, etc?
What if you were paid to watch a few of them a day? What if you were paid when your friends watched a few of them a day (and their friends, and their friends, and their friends)? Hmm . . . I might just actually enjoy those commercial ads after all. I do enjoy the superbowl ones (usually) - and I'm not even getting paid to watch them!

So - here's the scoop . . .

Check out this quick 2 minute video to get a taste for what this is all about.

After your interest has been peaked - then watch the easy, fun and informative 12 minute presentation that explains it in more detail (the link is just above the 2 minute video. If you can't find it - let me know and I'll send you a link!). Trust me - it's way more fun than reading an FAQ page! :) And don't even try to tell me you don't have 2 minutes (or 12 minutes to watch it)! Umm . . . how many minutes have you spent today reading blogs, going on Facebook, checking your emails?? :) mmm-hmmm . . . I'm right there with you girl! :)

After you have checked it out - Let me know what you think! I love hearing people's opinions - and I also love new adventures (and making money from home while I take care of my kiddos!)!

Have a BLESSED and ABUNDANTLY JOYFUL day! :)

Slashing your Grocery bills with Coupons!

Do you love to use coupons?

Think you know everything about using them?

Want to save more on your grocery bills?

I have to admit . . . I do pretty good at keeping our food budget low for a family of 7. I have used coupons for years (and even bought a course 18 years ago that helped me alot!). But I also have to admit that the last several years I have not used coupons the best that I could (out of laziness . . . and possibly some lack of knowledge).

Are you like me? What is your reason for not using coupons? Not really sure how to use them - or use them for your advantage (and not the company's - who is trying to get you to buy things you might not normally buy!)? Don't have access to any coupons? Don't want to take the time?

There is help!! :)



Welcome to Grocery University! This looks like a GREAT resource of information - covering it all! It tells you just about everything you ever wanted to know about couponing - from menu planning, budgeting, coupon terminology, combining coupons and sales, and alot more! :) Check it out!

What’s Included?

The Grocery University course includes 139 minutes of audio MP3 files and a 40-page student workbook (PDF) with more tips, visual aids, example scenarios, and more.

Plus, you’ll also receive a BONUS: the 10-page Grocery University Rock Bottom Price Database PDF, a $10 value on its own, for free! All information is delivered digitally so you can start learning right away!

I never regretted spending money on a couponing course early in my marriage to help us make ends meet. Back then I only spent $20/week on groceries for the 2 of us (though - I think in those college years we were lovin the Top Ramen and Kool Aid still!). Now, if you factor in the increase in prices - I'm probably spending a similar amount per person in our family, maybe just a little more. But if I worked coupons even better - there may be extra money to save for a cruise or something fun . . . . hmm . . . I think I'm getting inspired!

Let me know what you think about it!

One Million Arrows

Hello!! It's been too long!

I am sorry!!

It's not that I have forgotten about you . . . but I've just been busy (5 kids, taking a ministry class, missions trip, summer craziness . . . ). It's not an excuse - I know. But I have missed chatting with you. :)

This morning I listened to a blog radio broadcast (1st time I've done that!). Julie Ferwerda was being interviewed on the Communicating with Power Blog Talk Radio show. Who is Julie Ferwerda? I just found out about her and her latest book a few months ago, signed up for her blog newsletter . . . but have to admit, I haven't taken the time to read them. However, today I did.

Julie is not only a mother, but a passionate author, speaker and orphan advocate - and her latest book is called "One Million Arrows - Raising your Children to Change the World". As I listened to the radio broadcast, I could feel the passion within me being stirred up by the passion that is in Julie - to be more intentional and proactive in teaching our kids, not only about God (and memorizing scriptures, etc), but how to really change the world - how to have an impact on the world around us. It might mean ministering in Africa or China - or it might mean making a difference in your local city, schools, church and neighborhoods. We CAN teach our kids that they CAN make a difference in this world . . . even when they are young!

I could go on and on about this - but I would rather have you check out Julie's book, website, and the BlogTalkRadio broadcast (near the end is an amazing story of one kid who has a passion to be a doctor in Africa. You've GOT to hear that story! As a mom - it made me cry!).

Be intentional about how you can take the reigns in your teaching and training your children to be an "arrow" - shot out into the world to change it for the better. We can't leave this to the church, school teachers, the media or others. As parents - WE are the ones who will impact our children the most and who have the ability to mold, shape, sharpen, and train our "arrows" into the full destiny that God has designed for each of them! Go for it! :) Let's ALL be WORLD CHANGERS! Empower your kids - and keep (or start) calling out the "gold" in them (the treasures inside of them that make them who they are!!). Sometimes that "gold" is hidden and hard to find - but it's there. . . . . .But I'll talk more about that another time! My girls are home and it's time to go swimming!

Bedtime Parenting technique. . . FAIL

Ok - so I have to share one of my other attempts at parenting with honor and love - and teaching my kids how to make their own wise choices.

Last week the kids had been sent to bed, but they were doing their usual - running between rooms, laughing, talking, and goofing off (we have 2 bedrooms upstairs - with 2 girls in one and 2 boys in another). I am totally over the whole routine of yelling up the stairs "Be quiet and go to bed! No talking! No playing! It's bedtime!" and then just getting more and more mad as they continued to disobey (and as I continued to not want to have to go up and punish them. Laziness - I know!)

So I decided to try a different scenario at bedtime the other night. We put them to bed and told them we didn't want to hear them or see them. However, immediately they were talking and getting out of bed, running around giggling. I went upstairs calmly and with a smile on my face I said - "Oh - I'm so glad you guys are not tired - because I need you to clean up your rooms!" (which they were supposed to do before bed - but never did). The boys were instantly tired and pretending to be asleep! :) (smart boys!)

But the girls were different. My 9-year-old quickly cleaned up, but my 5-year-old just whined that she couldn't do it. "It's too hard! . . . I can't . . . do. . .it!" I lovingly told her that was totally fine - if she was tired, then she could go to bed (but she just continued to roll around on the floor and whine and fuss). When my older daughter was done I said goodnight and said - "If I hear more talking or running around then I'll assume you are not tired and you can come help me with something else." To which Meghan replied - "I'm still not tired - what else can I do?"

I was trying to think of something that she really wouldn't like so that she would suddenly "become tired" - so I said "oh great! I really need the kitchen floor mopped!" I was expecting a disgusted face and extreme fatigue to set in quickly - but instead I got "ooo - ooo . . . I LOVE to mop!!" as she jumped up and down clapping her hands! :( uh oh.

But the funniest was - that my youngest daughter all of a sudden was sitting on her bed, bouncing up and down saying "I love to mop too! I want to mop!" Dang it! My plan backfired! I couldn't have them both mopping (because they would just play) - so I told my youngest daughter - "Oh hon, you are so tired. I'll let you mop tomorrow. It's ok."

Our mop ended up being broken, so Meg did a few other chores. Wendy all of a sudden appeared downstairs saying she had cleaned her room (Wow -where did that energy come from?!) and she wanted to mop still. In the end, I sent her back up to bed, which resulted in her crying and sobbing because she couldn't mop! :)

I laughed as I told my husband - "I can't believe I have a daughter upstairs so upset because she can't do chores! And I can't believe I'm not letting her!" :) It was too funny. I think next time the chore will be to clean the rat cage or kitty litter box. I know no one likes cleaning those! :) It's best to be prepared for any and every possible scenario that they throw back at me (Dr.'s Cline & Fay would agree - Parenting with Love and Logic). I really didn't think that one through all the way! :)

Do you have a funny parenting story? Please tell me and post it below! I'd love to hear it!

Perfection or Excellence? Obedience or Honor?

What constitutes a dinner? Meat, vegetables, bread, dairy, possibly even some fruit or nuts? So if I’ve met all those requirements – will it be a good meal? What about a “great” or even “excellent” dinner?

Tonight my kids were presented with dinner. I met all the requirements (health-wise). I had meat, a couple veges, some fruit, dairy and even nuts. So why did my kids tell me I was mean, horrible, and that this was the worst day of their lives? Why were they complaining, upset, running off to their rooms, returning briefly to tell me how they would rather starve to death – and it would be ALL my fault?

Why? Because this was the dinner menu:

Meat – pepperoni slices

Veges – cold leftover beans and mashed potatoes

Bread – Ritz crackers

Dairy – slices of American cheese

Fruit – boxes of raisins

Nuts – salted almonds.

No plates. No silverware. No napkins. No cups or drinks even (though – they could have water if they wanted – I just wasn’t setting out any dishware). It was an easy dinner for me to prepare . . . . or should I say – pull out off the shelves. (My husband and I had a delicious dinner though – leftover London broil with Hunter’s sauce, green beans, mashed potatoes, and leftover chocolate fondue for dessert!)

Why was I so mean? Why was I presenting my kids with such unusual fare? Was I mad at my kids? Was I bent on torturing them and endangering their lives? Not in the least. In fact, it was just the opposite. It was out of love, honor and a desire to see the best for them.

Excellence. Honor. Love. Respect. Integrity. Wise decisions. These are some of the qualities and character traits that we are striving to impart to our children – to do everything with excellence (“as unto the Lord, not for men”), to treat everyone with honor, love and respect, and to be a person of integrity who can make wise choices. We are not trying to set standards that are unachievable, nor are we seeking perfection from our kids. We are not even expecting them to obey our every command and do only what they are told to do. We are raising leaders. We are raising the next generation – the future of our neighborhoods, businesses, city, country and world. I am not going to be around to always tell them what to do. When they are 18 and in college – I don’t want them to just be another statistic – another drunk college student failing in class and in life, experiencing the harsh consequences of their poor choices. I won’t be there to tell them not to get drunk, not to skip class, not to cheat on an exam. I won’t be there to remind them to do their work or job with integrity and excellence, not just so that they will get promoted. I won’t be there - but in a way, hopefully, I will.

My goal . . . is to let my kids fail as much as they can while they are young and in my house, under my watching eye and guiding heart and hands. Yes, that’s right - I WANT them to FAIL! Why? . . . I want them to learn. I want them to make choices – wise choices. But how are they going to make wise choices as an adult, if they never learn to make wise choices as a child – if they are never given an opportunity – except – “do as I say . . . or else”? I will not be there to dish out the “or else” when they are adults (nor do I want to). They will feel the consequences themselves – and it won’t be pretty. Failing when they are a child will carry much less severe consequences than when they are an adult, but it carries greater benefits throughout their lifetime – as a child and an adult.

Yesterday I left after dinner to attend a meeting. My kids had assured me that they had cleaned their rooms and done their chores before dinner. I didn’t go check, as we are teaching them about honor and integrity. They are not working for me or for their dad - but for God. We were made to be excellent – we were made to do excellent things – we were made to not only honor people, but to be worthy of honor. How do I know? Because we were made in the image of God. He is worthy of honor. He does everything with excellence, and He IS excellent. So – I didn’t “check to make sure” that my kids were being excellent in all they did. However, when I came home and went to say goodnight to them, I saw the results of their efforts to clean. It wasn’t that it wasn’t perfect – it just wasn’t even close – and they knew it. They had excuses – but they all admitted that they “thought” it was “good enough” – but not excellent.

We’ve been teaching our kids about our family working as one body – that we are all part of the same body. If my foot decided not to work one day, to just take a day off, then it would affect the rest of the body. My other leg would have to work hard at walking (or hopping) to get the body where it needed to go. It might give up after becoming exhausted from doing all the work. The arms and hands would then have to take over the function of the legs – something they were not designed to do. The body would wear out quickly and not function well at all.

Our family is the same. If one person decides that he doesn’t want to do his part in the family – it doesn’t just affect him – it affects the whole family. Other parts of the body will have to step in and make up for what he’s not doing. If they don’t, then the body doesn’t get anywhere, or might not eat, or it might even hurt itself. It will fall apart quickly.

So how does all this relate to the delicious meal I prepared so lovingly for our kids?

After the whines, complaints and loud reactions of disbelief and anger from our kids, I sat them down and explained why they were being fed such a delightful meal. I decided that tonight I would NOT cook with excellence. I would still “meet all the requirements” for a meal – just as my kids tell me “but I did my chore”, or “but I picked up all the things off the floor” (and put them on top of the desk or shelf where they don’t belong), or my favorite – “but you didn’t tell me to do that. . . I didn’t know” (even though it’s listed on their chore chart), etc. I wanted my kids to not only hear about excellence – but to see it – or in this case – to see the lack of it. Sometimes you don’t value something, or really understand a concept until it’s taken away or not there. No one can truly know what it’s like to be hungry, unless they’ve gone without a meal or two. No one can truly know what it’s like to be tired, unless they’ve been without sleep. I wanted my kids to see, feel and taste what mediocrity (or really, in this case, sub-standard) was like – and how it affected the whole family. It definitely benefited me – I didn’t have to cook or work hard. But it negatively impacted 5 others. Would they starve? No. Would they be undernourished? No. Would the food be offensive to their taste buds? Possibly. Would they survive? Yes! Would they learn a valuable lesson? Definitely!

With 5 kids, the reactions varied – with most of them throwing a verbal fit, and a couple of them throwing a physical fit – either yelling or running off to their room “to starve”. My youngest child (5 yrs old) decided to look for the best in things and said “mom – this is an excellent meal. Thank you.” And she ate it right up – cold green beans and all! My oldest (14 yrs old) made do – saying the meal was “fair”. My 7 year old eventually came to his senses and heartily ate up his creative homemade “pizzas” (Ritz, pepperoni and American cheese). My 12 year old disappeared up to his room telling me that he was going to starve because he “wasn’t” going to eat this food! He didn’t buy into the “theory” that this food was better than what some starving kids in Africa were eating today.

The most interesting response, to me, was my 9-year-old daughter. Once she realized that this experiment wasn’t a joke, or just a visual lesson – that this really WAS their dinner – she promptly stomped off to her bedroom yelling all sorts of things: “You’re mean! I’m going to starve! You CAN’T make me eat this!” To which I calmly and lovingly responded. “I’m sorry you feel that way. You definitely won’t starve – there will be breakfast in the morning. . . . That’s fine if you don’t want to eat it. That’s your choice. You can choose to eat this or nothing.” She returned from her room a couple minutes later, buried in a blanket with an evil eye peeking out from behind it. “I am NOT going to basketball practice tonight!” and off she stormed again.

“That’s fine hon. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I’ll be happy to take you, but if you don’t want to go – that’s your choice. No problem.” I lovingly replied.

Again, a couple minutes later she reappeared from upstairs. In response to my question about whether this dinner was excellent, good, fair, poor or really bad, she mumbled out - “This dinner sucks.” That was quickly followed up by – “And Mom – I am NOT going to basketball practice – and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT!” (stomp, stomp, stomp – back upstairs). I calmly reiterated that it was totally fine if she didn’t want to go – that it was her choice. If she changed her mind, I would be happy to take her – and that we would need to leave in about 20 minutes.

5 minutes later she had changed into her practice clothes and was sitting at the table attempting to make dinner with some extra ingredients she had found in the fridge. “Oh, I’m sorry hon. Those are not part of dinner. You can feel free to make something out of the food on the table.” Another round of complaints – something about how mean I am and how gross the food was. But within a couple minutes she was making her own homemade “pizzas” like her brother. I even heard 3 “Mom, I love you”-s – from my 5, 7 and 14 year olds. Right on time, my 9-year-old daughter joined me in the van, cheerfully eating her pizza sandwiches and chatting my ears off as we headed off to basketball practice.

As I write this – I am sitting at my 9-year-old’s basketball practice – and she just came up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. J

I guess my mean mom status has been upgraded. J

I think we are on our way to seeing more wise choices from our kids. I never did see my 12 year old emerge from his room before we left for practice. But one thing is for sure – he won’t “starve to death” – and just possibly he will remember what excellence, honor and integrity really “tastes” like.

For more ideas on how you can train your kids to make wise choices - check out these books:
Parenting with Love & Logic - Fay & Cline
Loving your kids on purpose - Danny Silk

Just to tickle your funny bone!

True story!

I was in the Target bathroom a few days ago. I came out of the stall and heard some loud fart noises coming from another stall. I couldn't tell if they were real or not - but they were loud. A mom at the sink said "Miles, is that you making those noises?" A sweet little voice from behind one of the stalls said "noo". A look of relief showed up on the mother's face as she said "oh good." Within a second or two, that sweet little voice then continued on . . . "It was my buuutt!"
Relief turned to pure embarrassment as the mom looked my way. I just smiled at her as if to say "Girl - I've been there one too many times! No worries!" She just smiled back and silently chuckled to herself!

Sorry I haven't been writing much this past year. I started another blog called Drink from the Deep. I have spent more time writing there (though, still not as much as I would like). With 5 kids in 4 schools this year, a bunch of sickness this fall, and other things, I haven't had as much time to write in general as I would like.

So - I may stop by from time to time to share with you. I do still think about all my fellow mothers and all we struggle with, have to juggle, have questions about and more. I love sharing with you what I've learned, what I am still learning, and hearing from you about what's on your heart. Feel free to send me a message if you want. I'd love to hear from you!

Just to let you know where I am at this year with mothering (and life) - my word for the year is Simplicity! I am in the process of purging, reorganizing things that haven't been working well - in the house as well as in raising our children (I am REALLY excited about that!), and more. So keep me in your prayers as we are doing some changing around here! :) But it's for the best!

Blessings!

6 year old proverbs

My sister sent these to me today and they gave me a good chuckle! I can just see my 6 year old saying many of these! I should do the same with him and see what he comes up with!

Enjoy!

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you..

While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1
Don't change horses until

they stop running.

2
Strike while the

bug is close.

3
It's always darkest before

Daylight Saving Time.

4
Never underestimate the power of

termites.

5
You can lead a horse to water but

How?

6
Don't bite the hand that

looks dirty.

7
No news is

impossible

8
A miss is as good as a

Mr.

9
You can't teach an old dog new

Math

10.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll

stink in the morning.

11.
Love all, trust

Me.

12.
The pen is mightier than the

pigs.

13.
An idle mind is

the best way to relax.

14.
Where there's smoke there's

pollution.

15.
Happy the bride who

gets all the presents.

16.
A penny saved is

not much.

17.
Two's company, three's

the Musketeers.

18.
Don't put off till tomorrow what

you put on to go to bed.

19.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and

You have to blow your nose.
20.
There are none so blind as

Stevie Wonder.

21.
Children should be seen and not

spanked or grounded.

22.
If at first you don't succeed

get new batteries.

23.
You get out of something only what you

See in the picture on the box
24.
When the blind lead the blind

get out of the way.

25.
A bird in the hand

is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!
26.
Better late than

Pregnant

Spirit Airlines - crashing for flying too "low"

Have you seen this video?
("What video?" you ask . . . you don't really want to know. The picture will link you to another article - not the video. I don't want to link to that trash.)

Did you get the email from Spirit about their latest contest?

Have you ever even heard about Spirit Airlines?

I found out about Spirit Airlines a couple years ago when we were going through our adoption process. I was looking for a low-fare way to go visit our daughter. I was so excited to find Spirit Airlines and the ridiculously low fares that they offered from time to time! However, I was sad to find out that Spirit Airlines didn't fly to our airport. I even wrote the city leaders (as suggested by Spirit) to request that our airport be a destination for Spirit. I don't know if they ever got that email . . . . and frankly, right now, I am ashamed I was ever interested in having this company service our area. Why??

I received an email telling about their latest contest in which someone would a year's worth of free airline tickets if they submitted the winning video.

The topic - it was supposed to be related to their "low" fares.

Their slogan - "How low can you go?"

Didn't sound too bad at first. But read on. . .

"As you know, our fares are famously low. But we want to know what you think is even lower. Something crude, lewd and just plain low down. Ever taken money from a church offering basket? Spit in someone's drink when they weren't looking just because they were rooting for another team? Whatever it is, we want to know. . . . . Show us just how low you'd go." They were encouraging video submissions - SHOWING just how low you would go to win these tickets!! The videos would be shown online (and possibly tv), and the most views would win.

Hunh?? What?? They've got to be kidding . . .right??

I was shocked and found it highly offensive. Is this what we want (or should) be promoting?? Instead of ranting and raving more to you - let me just post my emails to Spirit Airlines(and the one response I've received back so far) . They say most of what I would say (but I tired to say it in a nicer tone than what I wanted to. :) . . . . I tried.)

I encourage you to email them as well. They obviously have not received enough negative comments - based on their email back to me. (BTW - I used the "other" tab on their comment page instead of the "offended by ad" tab - as it wasn't letting me even send it once I typed it out. . . . .coincidence?? I don't think so. )

Dear Spirit Airlines -

LOL - I can't believe you actually have a sub-tab under advertising called "offended by promotional ad". Man - how many complaints do you get? Doesn't that say something?? I am writing to comment on your latest email promotional ad/contest to win a year's worth of free flights. I love great deals and, of course, contests/sweepstakes. But I was quite shocked to see what kind of contest you guys are running. This is unbelieveable. My view of Spirit Airlines was just "low"ered. :( I don't find this contest in good taste at all. It's offensive. I will be unsubscribing to your emails. I would encourage you to come up with a different promotion that uplifts and promotes good things . . . I definitely will not be promoting Spirit Airlines to my friends anymore.

Sincerely,

Lori West

Dear Lori West,

Thank you for writing in and letting us know your feelings and thoughts about one of our new marketing campaigns. I apologize that you find this campaign of concern. There are a lot of edgier campaigns out in the marketplace and in popular culture today. We've received a lot of positive feedback and people are taking advantage of our low fares for our many destinations.

Thank you again for taking the time to write us and we look forward to serving you on a future flight.

Sincerely,

Sylvia J.Silva

Corporate Consumer Relations Spirit Airlines

Dear Sylvia Silva,

Thank you for your response to my comment/complaint. I am glad that Spirit Airlines takes it seriously to personally address the issues brought to them by their customers and the public in general. In rereading not only your response to me, but also the ad in question - I guess one of my main issues is the sentence "Show us just how low you'd go". . . . to encourage people to "show . . . how low" they'd go . . . that's offensive and wrong. It's encouraging the wrong things/behaviors/actions in life.

Your reasoning - "There are edgier campaigns out in the marketplace and in popular culture today" - reminds me of my kids saying "But mom - everyone else is doing worse stuff than me. What I'm doing isn't nearly as bad as everyone else!" . . . . but it's still not right (on many levels). Just because the culture accepts something, or because many or most of the people around us are doing things, doesn't make it right. But that is what we have been taught to believe (in some ways and on some levels).

I am raising my kids to have integrity in all they do. That means, that even when all their friends around them are cheating on tests, that they will, instead, study hard and do their best. When all the kids around them are wanting to take something from a store and shoplift ("C'mon man - it's only a soda . . .or a piece of candy . . or a (whatever) . . . Everyone does it. It's no big deal. The store won't even miss it!"), that they will be honest and pay for the items they are taking out of the store. That no matter what life (or the culture around them) throws at them - that they will maintain their integrity, honesty and reputation . . . even if it means that they do not have the chance to win a year's worth of airline tickets, or a trip to Disney, or an I-pod, or a million dollars, etc. Our integrity and reputation are worth far more than anything materialistic out there. You can't buy them back once they are gone.

Our nation's economic troubles right now are due, in part, to people's willingness to "go with the crowd" and do "whatever it takes" - to go as "low" as they can to earn a buck, to get that house, to sell a mortgage, to receive a bigger bonus, to make their company look like it's doing great when it's sinking fast. And what was the end result? . . . . Catastrophe! Who are people able to trust now? Who do they want to turn to? Those that maintained their integrity throughout all the greed and pressure from the culture when "everyone was doing it". Those are the banks, businesses and institutions that will be blessed during these tough economic times and that will still be standing when this is all over.

Lastly, I would expect a controversial and "edgy" ad campaign from certain types of businesses, but I definitely did not (and would not) expect it from an airline - a business that services all kinds of people - especially families and kids (as I'm sure you get alot of business from that population as their wallets are tighter than the business men and executives - since you offer such low fares. As a mother of 5 kids - I know how expensive it is to travel anywhere with kids!). This is not a family-friendly campaign. But maybe you are not a family-friendly airline/business. ??

Thank you again for taking the time to read my comments/complaint and for addressing it appropriately. I do pray and hope that your ad department (and company in general) will take my thoughts and concerns into true consideration. I do believe that you offer a great service for a great price - something that people definitely need in this day and age. But I would love to see it done with just a little more integrity in the future. I hate knowing that you are "rewarding" someone for being or doing the most despicable (low) thing they could think of. Is that really where we want our society to end up - even worse off than it is now? I, for one, want to positively affect my children, community, schools, city, and nation - to encourage integrity, honesty and greatness! America is an awesome country with awesome people living in it . . . but it could be even better! That's what I want to encourage! We need to teach and encourage not only our children, but those around us, to strive to see how "high" they can go (not only in honesty and integrity, but in good works, helping others, giving of ourselves, getting a good education, taking care of this planet and the people on it, etc). Obama wasn't elected to office because he said he would go "as low as he could" (though I don't necessarily agree with all his policies and agendas) - but because he wanted to bring change . . . positive change. That (obviously) is what people want! I don't think anyone would truly elect someone to public office because they did something "low"er than all the others. Usually they are kicked, forced or otherwise removed out of that position or campaign. Yes - I know this is not about politics - but it is about the human race, and the responsibility we have to live with decency, honesty, integrity and within the law.

Thanks again.

Sincerely,

Lori West

"My Favrit Book . . ."

I just had to post this! My 6 year old, 1st grader, had to write (in public school) about his favorite book. The above pictures are what he wrote! You go son!! :)

Here is what it says:

"My favrit book is the Bible. It tells abot holy stuf. It has a old tesment and a new testment. It shows a part of a glob(e) at the back of the book. This book is holy."

Who says you can't talk about God or the Bible in school?! :)

And he sure is right . . . it IS holy and it DOES talk about holy stuff! :)

Oh - the word "David" and the arrow is pointing to the arm of the person holding the Bible. I asked him why it says David. "That's the only person in the Bible I could think of." Hmmm . . . what about Jesus?? :) Guess we need to be reading the Bible a bit more. :) Though - out of many of the other people in the Bible - I do love David! He was such a screw-up . . . but yet God said he was a man after His own heart! Why? Because he was always going back to God and seeking forgiveness and then praising the Lord for what He did in his life!!

Why don't you get out your Bible today too and read a few of the awesome stories (holy stuff) to your kids (or just to yourself) today! Ask God what He wants you to learn from it today? The Bible really is full of great information on how to live a better, more peaceful, joyful life full of love. . . . .IF we do what it says (and not just read it). :) I challenge you to do that today!

Enjoy God's "Holy" words!

Your Father's Love

(I posted this on my other blog - Drink from the Deep - and felt I should post it here as well.)

I can't begin to explain or tell you how much I desire for each of you to fully know and understand the love that our heavenly Father has for each of you . . . all His children! His true and overwhelming love! If you do not know or understand what I am talking about - I encourage you to take the time today to watch/listen to THIS WEBCAST of James Jordan talking about the Father's love (put on by CBN.c0m). It just may change your life!! It was the love of the Father - understanding it and experiencing it - that totally changed my life (in many ways and on many levels) and my spiritual walk with the Lord! It changed my faith from a religion and a bunch of head knowledge, to a relationship and a bunch of experiential knowlege!!

PLEASE watch it today!!!!!!! You won't regret it!!

And if you live in the Virginia Beach area - go to New Life Ministries International to find out more info about the Father's Love Conference by James Jordan starting tomorrow (thursday - 12th) through Saturday! You won't regret going!! (Picture above is the flyer for it)

Go deeper in your Father's love today!

Spiritual Cavities?

I HATE going to the dentist!

First there's the fear of having cavities - (which is really a fear of the Novocaine and drill to take care of the cavities . . . but that's another story to tell you! Plus - I don't think there's any more room in my mouth for cavities to form! I had "soft" teeth as a kid. :( No fun.)

But what I really hate is the scraping that the hygienist has to do with her metal torture tools!

However, I choose to endure it every six months to keep my teeth healthy and clean - and boy do I love how they feel after they've been poked at, scraped and polished shiny! I go home with a renewed determination to make sure no plaque EVER gets on my teeth again! Dental floss . . . here I come! :)

It seems though, that no matter how much I floss and brush, there's always some little hidden crevice that likes to hold onto and hide bits of the yummy food I've been eating. (I don't blame my teeth! I would love to hold onto it too. . . . just not in my teeth . . . or on my hips! Hmm . . . where can I store it then??)

So, yesterday, as I was doing my Lamaze breathing techniques to get through another anxious hour at the dentist - I decided to check in with the Lord. :) (what else is there to do? I had counted all the ceiling tiles, the water spots on the tiles, read all the labels on the light above me and any other appliance or tool that was in my limited view!)

The Lord asked me - "How are your spiritual "teeth"? How are your kids' spiritual teeth?" What have we been "eating" lately that could have turned to plaque . . . and potentially cause harm to us - death to part of us - ie. cavities? What sweet things have we enjoyed eating - only to later find out that it wasn't so good for us after all (despite how sweet it tasted going down)? What am I even talking about, you ask?

My friend Bree posted a similar blog post this week - Don't let your guard down. I encourage you to read it!

We need to not only be careful about what we "eat" (watch, listen to, engage in, think about, etc) - but we need to make sure we are daily "cleaning" our spiritual teeth (going to God for forgiveness).

None of us are perfect. We all "eat" things we shouldn't from time to time. But, what do we teach our kids about their physical teeth - "Go brush them. Get them clean and get all the sugar off your teeth so it won't cause cavities". We need to do the same spiritually . . . immediately! The longer we wait - the greater chance that that "food" will settle in and start to harden - almost looking like and becoming like our "teeth" - but it is secretly and slowly causing death (disease, sickness, etc)!

So today I challenge you to watch what you "eat". What have you been allowing in your own life or your children's lives that could potentially cause damage.

I know it's hard to say no to some things. They seem harmless. They are fun. They are "sweet". But in the long run - are they really good for you or your kids?

We have had to do away with alot of the "popular" and "sweet" things that "ALL the kids" are doing/have/etc. It's because I love and care about my kids and their health - physically, emotionally, and spiritually! I tell them that's the reason. "I love them too much" to allow some things. One day they will understand and be thankful. One day they see all the problems their friends have (the "cavities" in their lives) - and realize that they were spared that trouble because we loved them enough to be tough (or as they say "mean!").

So be a "mean mom" or dad today! Watch what you guys "eat" and make sure you all brush and get "clean" immediately (or at least daily!) - washing in Christ's forgiveness!

Phillipans 4:8
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Red Envelope Day

I learned about this from and event page on Facebook.

You can also find out more on their website - www.redenvelopeday.com

What:
Get red envelopes or postcards (http://www.zazzle. com/RedEnvelopeD ay) and mail them on March 31st to the White House

When:
March 31st, 2009

Get a red envelope. You can buy them at Kinkos, or at party supply stores. On the front, address it to

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington , D.C. 20500

On the back, write the following message.

This envelope represents one child who died because of an abortion.
It is empty because the life that was taken is now unable to be a part of our world.

We will mail the envelopes out March 31st, 2009.

Forward this event to every one of your friends who you think would send one too. I wish we could send 50 million red envelopes, one for every child who died [in the U.S. ] before having a chance to live.

It may seem that those who believe abortion is wrong are in a minority. It may seem like we have no voice and it's shameful to even bring it up. Let us show our President and the world that the voices of those of us who do not believe abortion is acceptable are not silent and must be heard.

Together we can change the heart of The President and save the lives of millions of children.

Barack Obama spoke at a Planned Parenthood Action Fund event, uttering the now infamous line, "Well, the first thing I'd do as president is, is sign the Freedom of Choice Act. [Applause.] That's the first thing that I'd do."

An empty red envelope will send a message to President Barack Obama that there is moral outrage in this country over this issue [The Freedom of Choice Act, which will essentially “undo” every law currently in place to limit abortion in the U.S. (i.e., parental consent laws, parental notification, waiting periods, prohibition of transporting a minor girl across state lines to obtain an abortion, etc.)]. It will be quiet, but clear.

Please read more about The Freedom of Choice Act here:

http://www.lifenews .com/nat4359. html

http://www.barackob ama.com/2008/ 01/22/obama_ statement_ on_35th_annive. php

http://www.jillstan ek.com/archives/ 2008/07/one_ year_annive. html

Butt Dust

"BLESSED BE THE LORD, WHO DAILY BEARS OUR BURDEN" (PSALMS 55:22)

BUTT DUST

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it!

These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked herGranny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you hafta look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story.! His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned,
James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

You know you are too busy when . . .

OK - This one is just for fun!

"You know you are too busy (stressed/tired/etc) when . . . . "

Fill in the ". . . " for me!

I'll start.

. . . I sprayed white board cleaner in my hair thinking it was my leave-in conditioner spray! (maybe subconsciously I thought it would erase the "white" IN my hair!)

Video Game Troubles?

OK - so when I originally set up this blog - the very first topic I wanted to talk about was this - Video Game Addictions. As you can see . . . . I'm not only a busy mom of 5 . . . but a procrastinator who gets easily distracted by other interests! :) It's a battle I fight daily! So . . . no more procrastination today. After talking with a friend of mine this weekend about all this - I have to let you know too! It looks long . . . but it's worth reading!

I have 3 boys and 2 girls ranging in age from 4 up to 13. I love my kids and want to see them happy (as I'm sure you do with your own kids). I want to see them grow up healthy (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc). I want to see them succeed in life - in relationships, in careers, in marriage and more.

I also want my kids to "like me". :) Who doesn't. However, "liking me" comes last on my list. I've been told many a time "You're such a mean mom! I have the meanest mom in the world!"

"Man - what a bummer. It stinks to be you! I'm sorry you got stuck with such a mean mom . . . but that's my job!" :) (all said with a smile of course)

Now - I'm not REALLY a mean mom . . . but from their perspective- it does seem that way. What I am is a loving mom - who is willing to make the hard choices for my kids - to teach them and train them up so that they can make the hard choices for themselves and their loved ones one day. That is my goal. To work my way out of a job! :)

For our family - one of those hard decisions was what to do about video games.

Oh if I could turn back time . . . . to the day my husband said "I think I'm going to sell our Playstation". Our oldest was only 2 1/2 years old, and my husband had grown bored of the Playstation I had bought him a year or so before.

I remembered the fun in junior high when my family got our first Atari! My dad had sworn we would never have one - but we did! I enjoyed playing with it . . . but I could easily turn it off and go play something else. Of course, the choices of games (and the types of games) to play back then was limited.

I pleaded with my husband to not sell the Playstation - that our sons might enjoy playing it one day. Our 2 1/2 year old had already learned how to turn on the computer and start up his favorite games, and liked watching his dad play on the Playstation. My husband agreed to keep it.

Oh, if I could turn back time.

Fast forward 5 years or so. Birthday time! Oh the excitement to be getting a Game Boy! Now my son could play games on the long trips to see grandparents, or stay entertained in the doctor's office, etc. What a great invention! Or so my son thought. I thought it "might" be good. Plus - everyone had one!

However, I was beginning to become more hesitant about video games as I found that we had to restrict my son's game playing time each week. He had no "off" button of his own. His younger brother was following suit - but not to the same degree. And then there was the fighting between them as to whose turn it was to play, who had more time to play, etc.

The solution?

GM & GD bought another Game Boy . . . so now they both could play! :)

For awhile, it was nice to have video games to use as a reward for various things (ie - good behavior, doing their chores, finishing homework in a timely manner, etc). But I still had my doubts and concerns. I didn't like the attitudes that were starting to emerge from the boys - the fighting between them (not even just about video games). It wasn't even that they were playing violent games - but if they did play even a mild "shooting" type game vs. a racing type game - I did notice the frustration and anger escalated.

Hmm . . . . we need to do away with these games.

But what will I use as a reward (or a punishment)? What will the kids do with their time? It's so nice to be able to get some things done for an hour or two while they are playing their games. Plus - they really do love playing them!

I knew we had an increasing problem when I told my 2 sons and their friend to go outside and play instead of playing video games in the house! It was a beautiful day. They agreed. A few minutes later I looked out front to check on the 3 of them. They were all sitting in a circle on the front walkway. . . . . playing? Yes. Playing what? . . . . . . VIDEO GAMES!! They had brought their Game Boys outside to play! "But you said - 'Go play outside' mom!" :) That's not quite what I meant! :)

Fast forward a couple years, and the adventures of RPG's (Role Playing Games) has become the desired source of fun. Runescape, Adventure Quest, Club Penguin, etc. At first glance, some of the RPG's seem harmless . . . cute . . . fun. Some don't. Some I had a problem with the evil nature - the casting of spells, killing people, ghosts, zombies, etc. We banned those. But what could be wrong with Club Penguin and other ones like it?

Addiction! That was it! It was becoming an addiction.

Can you really be addicted to video games? And is it really a bad thing? I mean - it's not like they are out there doing drugs, smoking or drinking. There are a lot of worse things to be addicted to - right?

I received a Focus on the Family magazine in the mail one day. The front cover said "Are your kids video-game junkies?" (Oct. 07 issue) I began to read the article, and I swear they were talking about our family!! . . . . Finding my son up at 2am playing his RPG online, lying about video game use, playing games he knows he's not supposed to, not turning the consoles off when told to - begging for more time or to "just finish my level so I can save my game", hearing my sons talk about nothing other than their video games, etc.

They literally thought and talked about them morning, noon and night! Their whole life revolved around when they could play video games again . . . which at this point was down to only on Fri, Sat and Sundays - 1 hour each day. Yet they obsessed about it all week long!

In the article I learned that I had committed all the mistakes that had actually led to my children's video game addiction.
1. Starting young
2. Creating easy access
3. Using video games as a reward
4. Allowing "just one more level"
5. Ignoring your gut.

I learned that the chemicals triggered in the body by 30 minutes of video game playing can be just like an amphetamine high - and that eventually the brain is rewired to create a physiological dependence ("habitutation") on it similar to that of a cocaine addiction! There is even a detox center in the Netherlands for video game addicts!!

The article was written by Olivia and Kurt Bruner - authors of "PlayStation Nation". I immediately ordered the book! It answered so many questions and was the push that I needed to follow my "gut" (or most likely - the Holy Spirit) in getting rid of video games. I read portions of the book to my older kids and husband . . . stories from college age kids who had wished that their parents had taken away their video games because now they are so addicted and can't seem to stop playing and thinking about video games. It has taken over their lives.

As a family we all decided to sell the games and consoles and use the money to buy something that the kids could do together with their father . . . airsoft guns! :) Games for Guns! Sounded strange . . . but it was great! The kids love playing airsoft with their dad, uncle and friends. They are outside making memories (of shooting each other! Ahhh . . . good memories! :) hee,hee.).

They are being creative, analytical, tactical, relational, etc. They are out of the fantasy world that held them enslaved.

We still have more hurdles to overcome though - and after talking with a friend this weekend - we need to do it.

We got rid of the Playstation console and games just before my son's 10th b-day - after we had already planned a sleep-over b-day party where he could play video games with his friends. So - we decided to keep the Game Cube and just take it out for b-day sleep overs. Yah right. The b-days seem to last for a week afterwards too! We tried it for a year . . . but when we bring it out, it's all the kids can think and ask about for weeks and weeks afterwards. It's like giving a drink to an alcoholic who has been trying to stay sober. It's not healthy. I wish it would have worked, but it doesn't . . . not for my boys (esp. my oldest and youngest).

I had given my friend (who I had talked with this weekend) the book to read last year sometime. She read it at first and thought - "oh - I'm not as strong as Lori to be able to take away my kids games. They will hate me for it. Plus, I kind of like playing them some myself - especially the Wii." But after some time went on, and she saw some of the same addictive behaviors in her son - she decided she had had enough. They decided to sell their Wii and all their games. Her worst fears were soon addressed . . . . with a pleasant consequence! Her 10 year old son came up to her and said "Thank you mom for loving me so much and getting rid of the video games. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I am so much happier now." And he really meant it! The stress and anxiety of the addiction had been affecting him - without him knowing really what it was or how to deal with it. Isn't that true with most all addictions?

I am so proud of my friend! The battle isn't over though.

We live in an entertainment saturated society where the "only" game kids want to play is a video game. They don't know how to play anything else - to be creative - to be inventive - to be relational (in the real world - not the online/fantasy one). It will take time for her son to figure out how to play - what to do with his other toys that have been gathering dust in the closet - to figure out how to live in this digital world in a healthy way. We have to be patient and stand firm. We also have to teach and encourage them in what to do now.

We as parents will still have to deal with the questions about "why" they can't play video games (as the enemy will still try to work a number on their minds . . . or ours), why other parents let their kids play games - especially the violent ones - rated T or M and above, etc.

I actually had one mom whose husband was not only severely addicted to computer games, but she didn't have a clue that video games even had ratings or what the ratings were for (or that there can be a huge discrepancy in the labeling/rating of games)! For her son's 10th b-day he was having a LAN party (where they connect up several computers to play an online game together) - and they were going to be playing games that were well above my tolerance level for my kids. I had to tell her my son couldn't come because of it (and she was shocked to find out what her son was really playing). Her son valued my son's friendship so much that he decided to change what they were going to do at the party so he could come! :) It doesn't always work out like that (and I didn't expect them to change for our son's sake), but I do have to do my part to protect my children - even at b-day parties (unfortunately).

Parenting is tough. But it's ok to be a "mean" mom or dad if it means your kids will grow up to be healthy and happy - and that they will be able to make those same hard decisions in their lives later on - when it's really important (ie - with drugs, drinking, pre-marital sex, etc).

I encourage you to go visit the Bruner's website - www.videogametrouble.org and find out more about video game addiction and if it's something you should be concerned about with your own children. Not all children will become addicted. And not all video games are made to be as addictive (RPG's are the MOST addictive though!).

So do your research. Educate yourself. That way you will be informed and will be able to stand firm in whatever your decision is and be able to teach your children to stand firm as well. (I wish they would have classes about this for our youth and parents like they have the D.A.R.E. programs in school!)

Be a "Mean" Mom today!! Love your kids!!

Lori :)

Here are some things to think about if you suspect there is a video game addiction going on in your house - with the kids, hubby, or yourself! (taken from the Bruner's website)

RISK ASSESSMENT QUESTIONS: A 2002 survey sampling 223 adolscents conducted by the Society for the Study of Addiction to Alcohol and Other Drugs posed the following situations to help determine patterns of video game addiction.

• PREOCCUPATION: When I am not playing with the video games, I keep thinking about them (i.e. remembering games, planning the next game, etc.)
• TOLERANCE: I spend an increasing amount of time playing video games.
• LOSS OF CONTROL: I have tried to control, cut back or stop playing, or I usually play with the video games over a longer period than I intended.
• LOSS OF CONTROL: When I lose in a game or I have not obtained the desired results, I need to play again to achieve my target.
• WITHDRAWAL: When I can't use the video games I get restless or irritable.
• ESCAPE: When I feel bad, etc. nervous, sad, or angry, or when I have problems, I use the video games more often.
• LIES AND DECEPTION: Sometimes I conceal my video game playing to my parents, friends, teachers, etc.
• DISREGARD FOR CONSEQUENCES: In order to play video games I have skipped classes or work, or lied, or stolen, or had an argument or a fight with someone.
• LIFE DISRUPTION: Because of the video game playing I have reduced my homework, or schoolwork, or I have not eaten, or I have gone to bed late, or I spent less time with my friends and family.