Your Father's Love

(I posted this on my other blog - Drink from the Deep - and felt I should post it here as well.)

I can't begin to explain or tell you how much I desire for each of you to fully know and understand the love that our heavenly Father has for each of you . . . all His children! His true and overwhelming love! If you do not know or understand what I am talking about - I encourage you to take the time today to watch/listen to THIS WEBCAST of James Jordan talking about the Father's love (put on by CBN.c0m). It just may change your life!! It was the love of the Father - understanding it and experiencing it - that totally changed my life (in many ways and on many levels) and my spiritual walk with the Lord! It changed my faith from a religion and a bunch of head knowledge, to a relationship and a bunch of experiential knowlege!!

PLEASE watch it today!!!!!!! You won't regret it!!

And if you live in the Virginia Beach area - go to New Life Ministries International to find out more info about the Father's Love Conference by James Jordan starting tomorrow (thursday - 12th) through Saturday! You won't regret going!! (Picture above is the flyer for it)

Go deeper in your Father's love today!

The ONLY Resolution you need to make!

In 2008, I resolve to . . . .

What did you resolve to do in 2008? Did you write it down? Make a list? Was it longer than your grocery list? Did you make any resolutions or goals at all?

In years past I have had goals and resolution lists longer than the Constitution and all it's amendments. . . . . ok . . . maybe not quite that long . . . but close! And each year I felt like a big fat loser in looking at how many resolutions and goals I actually kept or obtained in the 12 months God gave me that year. So last year I decided to do things differently. . . .

I didn't make any goals or resolutions! I figured - if you don't make 'em, you won't fail at keeping them! :)

It worked! :) I am happy to report that I didn't fail at keeping any sort of resolutions this year. And I am still the same weight as last year, my house is just as messy, I saw the same amount of friends, and my spending habits didn't change. :)

Is that good? . . . . yes and no.

I do have to say though - it is nice to not feel like a failure at the end of the year. :) But I also would have loved to have felt a little toner, had a few more dollars in my savings account, seen a few more friends, and had my house a little cleaner (but not done by me! hee,hee) - amongst other things.

However, God has been teaching me a lot the past couple years about learning to just "BE". Be in- the moment, the situation, the day, the presence of friends or family, the happiness, the sadness, the good times and bad, etc.

And above all - He has been reiterating to me the importance of the only resolution and goal I ever need to have - not just each Jan. 1st - but every day -

Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

as well as . . .

Matthew 22:36-40 - "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

My only goal and resolution in 2009 and everyday of my life is to be a Lover of God - to seek Him first - His kingdom and His righteousness - and let Him take care of the rest! He can do it! He does it all the time! We just have to trust Him to follow through with His promises when we follow through with ours!

If I am loving God with all my heart - the rest will come . . . I will love myself more (because I will know WHO I am in Christ and how God sees me) - which may lead to taking care of myself more - toning up the gravity-induced sagging areas, resting more, etc. It will lead to loving others more (as I have learned to love myself) - so more time will be spent with family and friends. It will lead to a more balanced approach to how I spend my money (which I've done fairly well at - but there's ALWAYS room for improvement!). It may even lead to a cleaner house . . . . . maybe . . . maybe not. :) It may just take off the stress that I feel about it - realizing that people and God are so much more important than a clean house!! A friend may pass away tomorrow . . . but the messes never will!! They will only continue! So . . . choose people over cleaning any day! That's my philosophy! :) (so - come visit me . . . but expect to be able to write me a note in the dust on my furniture! . . . . ok . . . it's not always that bad!)

I hope you have a wonderful New Year's Eve and New Year's Day!

I know that God LOVES new beginnings! He invented them! If 2008 hasn't been the best year for you . . . look forward with anticipation to a new beginning in 2009! Seek God first and foremost - and you can't go wrong!! Give Him your worries, your resolutions, your goals and ask Him for His! They are always MUCH better than anything we could dream up!!

Blessings!!

I know how you feel

I couldn't decide which blog to put this on as it relates to mothering, but really is also a word for the church - for me and my brothers and sisters in Christ. Please go to my other blog Drink from the Deep to read it. Be encouraged and be challened today. Above all . . . go deeper!

House Maintenance

What a week!

Normally I look forward to when my husband has a business trip. . . . . . . now, that didn't sound right! :) Let me explain . . .

I have 5 kids - ages 4 through 13 - I have 1 husband - and thankfully we are down to just 3 pets. :) I am on the Steering Team for our church's MOPS group, on the board of an adoption group, have my hand in and eye on several other things, and generally tend to go above and beyond in waaay too many things that interest me (and there are waaaay too many things that interest me . . . I need a few lifetimes to do them all!)! Let's just say - I am way too busy!

So, when my husband says he is going away for a few days, it's not that I won't miss him or don't want him to go or don't love him . . . . it just opens up a couple hours each day where I can be by myself. I am an introvert by nature. . . . .bmeaning - I get reenergized by being alone! So with a house full of people and pets (and chores and messes, and unfinished projects, and projects I WANT to start - but know I probably won't finish . . . .) - those few hours in the week to myself can be quite energizing and refreshing.

Not this week.

I didn't really see those hours. Where did they go? I know I had them somewhere . . . maybe. But they are definitely dwindling down with my oldest (now a teenager) staying up later and later (he has his parent's "night owl" gene) and feeling quite chatty during that time.

This was just a rough week - emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally and more. I won't bore you with all the details - but suffice it to say I have felt our house being under attack (spiritaully) all week. And without my husband here to support me and "fight" in this battle (I'm sure he was from his hotel room . . . I hope) - I stayed pretty weary and drained all week.

Today I was laying on my bed - half trying to take a nap this morning (as I've had about 5-6 hours sleep a night - while ususally waking up 2-4 times during those few hours) - and half trying to talk with God.

"How am I supposed to handle this all? What am I supposed to do about (these certain issues)? Did I miss your will/leading in something? Should we change what we are doing? . . . . . God - I am exhausted and all I REALLY want to do each day is to spend hours with you! But if I did that - then nothing would get done around here!"

"Yes it would" I heard God say. And I knew . . . I knew what He meant.

It wasn't the cooking, cleaning, chores, MOPS agendas, projects, etc that would get done . . . . it was the "house cleaning and maintenance" that needed to be done within my family - spiritually, relationally, emotionally, etc. It was the spiritual battles that would be fought and won, and the promised land that would be taken as promised. THAT is what really is so much more important!

I know that. I do. I know it deep down in my core. Then why do I chose to clean up the house instead of spend that precious time "cleaning up my house" spiritually?!

I did throw up alot of prayers this week. It's not like I didn't pray or spend some time with God. It's that I didn't really send time resting/soaking in His presence - being rejuvenated and refreshed . . . strengthened. I didn't fully listen (I guess) to this great military strategist on how to fight the battles that came (and will still come). I said alot of "HELP ME LORD!" and "Forgive me God" prayers this week. Those are good - and they do work. But in a week like this - that was not enough and not what I (or my family) really needed.

I am sorry Lord. I DO want to spend time each day - cleaning and maintaining my "house". Help me to not only do that every day - but to do it effectively . . . with power, strength, peace and love!

PSALM 127

Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat-
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.
Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Happy Mother's Day!

I just had to wish all you moms a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY today!!

I hope it was a wonderful day with family or friends. If you didn't have someone to be with, then I hope you were at least able to call someone . . . your kids . . . your mom . . . a mom you know . . . a mom-to-be . . . a spiritual mom to you . . . Just go call a special woman in your life and wish them a Happy Mother's Day!! :)

I had an emotional day today. Not exactly sure why. Some of it was probably pent-up tears that didn't get released last week during my monthly hormonal craziness . . . If I don't cry at least once a month, the tears will start to flow at the most inopportune times! :) Actually, I do believe some of it was the enemy (Satan and all his evil cohorts) trying to ruin this day . . . trying to remind me of all the areas where I have failed as a mother. . . . where I don't feel like I measure up to the Super-Mom status we are all led to believe we should and can achieve. . . where I wish I had done things differently and am praying that God is just able to super-glue the things I have broken (my children's hearts, minds, emotions, relationships, etc) . . . where I want to do things differently, but am not sure if I am really going to change (due to laziness, procrastination, bad habits, etc). . . . . etc, etc, etc.

I did receive the most precious cards from my 5 kids today - some sweet, some funny, but some of what they said I still had a hard time digesting. Was I really all those wonderful things, or are they just saying them because it's Mother's Day and that's what they are supposed to say? One part of my kindgergartener's card was hilarious . . . but at the same time, poignantly true and sad. He was given a few pages with sentences to fill in the blanks about his mom. Here is what he wrote:

Happy Mother's Day 2008
My Mom's name is Loire (Close . . .it's Lori)
My mom is 38 years old (no I'm not! . . . . the kids always say I'm older than I am!)
My mom is as pretty as a flowr.
My mom makes the best cocees (cookies).
**My mom's favorite thing to do is BE ALONE (caps added by me.)**
My mom thinks it is funny when I be silee (silly)
My mom doesn't think it is funny when I don't cleen my room. (he's right - I don't!)
My mom loves me.
I love to play with my mom.
I love my mom because she is my mom.
Happy Mother's Day!
Love,
Jacob
2008

So . . . my favorite thing to do is not . . . scrapbooking . . . being on the computer . . . photography . . . or even playing with my kids . . . no . . .it's to "BE ALONE"! I just died laughing when I first read it. He knows me too well! But today it did make me sad.

I do have 5 kids (ages 3-12), and for most of the time, every day, I have most of them home (a few go to school in the mornings some . . . it's complicated). And there are many a night when daddy has to come home and scoop all the kids out of the house "to give mommy some alone time" (what an awesome hubby I have!!!). So Jacob is really right when he said that. But I got to thinking today . . . is that really what I want my kids to say or remember about me. . . ."Mom sure couldn't wait till we were all out of the house and she could be alone!" I don't really want to be alone all the time! I am just an introvert by nature and the way I rejuvenate/re-energize is to be by myself . . . to get some time with God, to be able to think without interruption every 5 minutes, to relax and watch a show, read a book or even blog . . . .you know what I mean? I don't get much of that this year. But I don't really want that to be my legacy. It just made me realize that I need to be more careful with what I say and do. I LOVE my kids A TON - and whenever I am not with them and I come home - I LOVE seeing their smiling faces and hearing their sweet voices (when they are not screaming!). I do LOVE being a mom and I do cherish the little things - the snuggling, giggles, playing games, etc. I need to show that more . . . .verbalize it more to them. I used to tell them that my favorite book is one called "Five Minutes Peace" (I do still love it as it describes what most moms go through with little ones around) - but I don't want my kids to think that I feel that way ALL the time. There are just moments that we ALL need 5 minutes (or 10 . . .20 . . . or maybe an hour) of peace! :)

To reassure you, my day wasn't a washout of sadness and tears. I had my good cry, and then wiped my wet face, reapplied my makeup, welcomed my parents, brother and his wife and daughter, and had a wonderful lunch with them - celebrating Mother's Day and one of my daughter's B-days. I played a game, chatted, took some pictures, giggled, and now am getting a few minutes of time to "be alone" while daddy gets dinner for all the kids (and even brought me some food!). After I finish this post - I will be rejuvenated to go back and finish off this Mother's Day with snuggles, back scratching, stories and more (and hopefully no tornadoes! The weather is looking scary!). And tomorrow . . . I have another chance to change things for the better!

So - what would your kids say about you? What do you want them to remember about you - that you were always loving, angry, stressed out, on the computer, tired, happy, fun??? I think I will be doing more soul-searching and being more intentional about the legacy and memories that I am creating for my children. I know I cannot ever attain "Super-Mom" status . . . but to my kids - I do want to be the best Mom that I can be for them!

God bless all you Mother's and all you do!! I know someone has said that if we were actually paid for all we do we would be making over $116,000 a year . . . .though - like my sweet friend Lynae said "I would probably be fired from many of those jobs" (ie - house cleaning, cooking, etc)! :) Hey - we can't be perfect at everything!! :) Just do your best "as unto the Lord"!

Live a LIFE of LOVE today!

The least of these . . . continued.

I wish I had this song to show you when I originally posted "The least of these . . ." .
This is for all those days you feel like "just being a mom" is tough . . . .tiring . . . not getting you closer to God . . . etc. Hang in there and be encouraged! You are worshiping God by obeying what He has called you to do! He sees and He knows!
Blessings!



Song: "If Ever You Worshiped" - by Danny Oertli

1st day of Spring . . . Are you blooming?!

Last summer I watched as several precious daffodils continued to bloom where they had been planted years before by my neighbor. Right at the water's edge, there had been dozens of beautiful, proud, sun-yellow daffodils that had cheered us up and spoke of spring as we sat on the bench by the community "lake" (really a man-made drainage area) behind our house. A few years ago our neighbors moved, and the meticulously cared for area soon was overcome with weeds. Along came a few hurricanes and tropical storms that flooded our little lake and the edge started to grow closer and closer to the bench. Many daffodils were lost in the erosion, and so the last 2 summers I have rescued those few that were left . . . still trying to do their job as they hung almost sideways over the water's edge, unknowingly about to perish.

Last year I removed the final ones and planted them in my front yard near my mailbox. Their blooms were gone for the season, and so I was mainly planting the bulbs and stems. I was looking forward to the sunny flowers popping up next year to welcome the warm weather of spring! However, I was a bit surprised this year when they did. I planted them, expecting them to face the street - welcoming our mailman and other guests who came to visit. However, they decided to continue to face the lake . . . which can't even be seen from our front yard! :) I'm sure it probably has something to do with how I planted them or with the sun, but I just get a chuckle out of seeing my "rebellious" flowers facing the wrong way! It made me think . . .

I drove by a sign at a church last week. It always has some cute or corny saying on it - reminding and encouraging us in some aspect of our Christian walk, like "What is missing from this CH_RCH? . . .U are!" You know the signs I mean! This time it said "Bloom where you are planted". In our American society, we are so accustomed to having a choice . . . of what to eat, where to live, what kind of job to have, who to be friends with, where and when to go to church, etc. In many countries, men, women and children do not have that luxury. They cannot physically get up and move when the going gets tough or just because they feel like it. They can't just go down to the store or pop into McDonald's when the mood strikes or their pantry doesn't have their "favorite" foods. They may not even have a choice as to whether they will even eat that day! We are so blessed here in America!

What spoke to me though, was that I know I have spent many a day complaining about where God has "planted" me in life right now . . . . raising 5 young kids who are home with me almost all day every day, cleaning my house (over and over and over again!), making meals, intervening in fights/arguments, etc! I was a L&D nurse and Childbirth Educator (and part-time doula) for 10 years - and I LOVED it! It was my identity . . .what I did . . .who I was . . . my passion. When God called me to stay home full-time (I had 4 kids at that time). . . I fought it tooth and nail for years. I slowly, slowly weaned myself down from working so much - and then finally took the plunge and obeyed God. He was changing where I was to be planted - much like my flowers. However, just like those flowers . . . I kept looking back . . .waiting for the chance to get back to the water . . . wondering when (and if) God would ever let me go back to being a nurse . . . or doing SOMETHING outside of this house. I was blooming in the sense that I was "doing my duty" . . .but I wasn't really doing it right (with the right attitude) or to the best of my ability. I was definitely depressed the whole first year of being at home 24/7. Then I allowed God to change my heart!

God showed me a vision one day while praying. I was going across a river - stepping on large stones/rocks to get to the other side. I knew where I was going and I could see the spot I was aiming for. But then a HUGE rock stood in front of me. . . . too large to even see over it or go around it. This is what God said . . .

"You CAN do it on your own strength. You CAN climb over it, or struggle to go around it Lori. But What I would rather you do, is to stand where you are and let the water rise around you. Let it rise and then float with it down stream. You can trust me. Will you trust me?"

I wasn't so sure I wanted to go "downstream". What was down there? I KNEW what was across the water (I was going to be a midwife) . . . but I didn't have a clue what was downstream. That part scared me. After struggling with it, and then realizing that I was miserable the way I was, I decided to take the risk . . . . I let go and started to float . . . with God . . . not knowing where it would lead or what would happen to me. And do you know what? . . . . . It led me to actually enjoying being at home more (not every day though. :) You know what I mean!) . . . and it brought me to the place where I felt that I could definitely handle bringing one more child into the house through adoption. That was HUGE for me - as I was a card-carrying member of the "Four-no-more" Club! :)

So I've been home for 3 or 4 years now, and lately my heart has been stirring again. . . . wanting there to be more . . .wanting to know "what's next, Lord?" . . . ready to get out of the house and "doing the Lord's work". Then that sign came along . . . It's not that I had turned back around to look at the water . . . I was facing forward . . .but just wanting more. There are seasons for everything in life. A time to live, a time to die. A time to plant, a time to reap. A time to have all my kids home, and a time to see them go off to school (and eventually work, college, marriage . . .). But am I "Blooming" where God planted me? Unlike my plants, I do have a choice . . .I could disobey, uproot and replant somewhere else (in what I do each day) . . . but I won't be where God wants me. I won't be able to greet those that He brings down my path. I won't be able to cheer on and cheer up those that live at my house like I should. I need to learn "how" to bloom where God has planted me for this season.

My "world" is relatively small here . . . 5 kids, a husband, several pets, and a few neighbors who might venture outside during the day. Then once a week - church, once a month - our adoption group, and twice a month - MOPS. Pretty much the same people each day, each week, each month. I was a bit jealous of my sister in NYC and all the people she comes into contact with each day! What opportunities she has!! But wait . . . what about my trip to Walmart every 2 weeks? What about the people I email, who read this blog (all 2 of you!) . . . even the business men and women I might talk with while we refinance, or look for new windows, etc? God has slowly been showing me that I CAN bloom where He's planted me and REALLY make a difference in people's lives . . . . EVEN as a SAHM! I don't have to have a big ministry like Joyce Meyers, or Joel Osteen . . . but I CAN influence my little world around me . . . brighten up the days by blooming where I've been planted. It may be through a scripture at the end of my email, a kind word or offer of help to someone at the store, or some of my ramblings on this blog. It might be by bringing food to a new mom, or an injured neighbor. It's also by loving my kids and raising them to love God, then love themselves, and finally love others.

Maybe that Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness,and Self-control that blooms from me will be able to not only impact those in my "world", but in the world around us as well! You never know!!

I'm going to bloom anyways!

How about you?

Just one more day

The sun was shining. The air was crisp and clean. A refreshing breeze blew in the unusually warm February air. There may have even been a few birds chirping their sweet spring song as one of the daffodils along my front walkway was beginning to bloom. It is the first I had seen this year - but not surprisingly early considering the warm winter we have had.

I went about my dreaded morning routine – setting out the breakfast bowls, making lunches for school, reminding my kids over and over and over to “get your shoes on, brush your teeth and comb your hair. You have to leave for in a few minutes!”, and trying to fight the callings of my bed to return for a few more minutes of peace and rest. I was secretly hoping (as I do most every day) that my busy and talkative 3 year old would actually sleep in today instead of rising with my other 4 monkeys so early in the morning. But with kids fighting to get to the toothpaste, and hollering that they can’t find their shoes or that they are “COLD” but won’t put on a sweatshirt, my precious preschooler was awake and ready for the adventure that lies within each day for her. “That’s ok” I thought. “It’s not like I could really climb back in my bed today anyways. I have MOPS this morning. . . . . .Oh shoot! I forgot I am supposed to bring snacks today!” No time to run to the store. Scrounging around, I found some red apples for our Valentine’s theme, some orange juice and Pumpkin Pie coffee creamer. That will have to do. Last year was to be my last year as a “MOPS” (Mother of a Preschooler) as my youngest was going into kindergarten. However, God blessed us with our adorable 3-year-old daughter from Guatemala in Sept! Yeah! I definitely was not quite ready to be a “mentor mom” yet. :) But I had forgotten just how busy and tiring it is to raise a preschooler!

We made it to MOPS, a little later than normal, but still arriving on time. I dropped my daughter off at her “class” and then strolled down to the beautifully decorated and inviting MOPS room. Here is where I engage in a cherished routine of chit-chatting with my tired-and-in-desperate-need-of-caffeine-snacks-and- fellowship-without-kids friends, complimenting them on their new clothes, commenting on how they miraculously managed to get their skinny bodies back so soon after giving birth, dipping into the delicious and “calorie-free” (yeah right!) snacks, and plopping into my chair for a blissful 2 hours of “mommy time”! Twice a month is definitely not often enough to do this. Everyone agrees. As we ate, laughed and traded the latest news, our MOPS coordinator moved to the front of the room and quieted us down with a look on her face that none of us wanted to see.

For the last year and a half, we have been praying for and ministering to a young MOPS mom (Andi) who was diagnosed with a very rare form of ovarian cancer. So rare, the doctors were not really sure what her prognosis was or how best to treat it. Because of many factors – one of which was the chemo and how weak it left her – she was not able to attend MOPS this year. She was definitely in our hearts each time we gathered. She was truly a Godly woman and lover of God, and had a beautiful family with her two preschoolers and husband. She loved to Scrapbook and was an “email junkie” (I can identify with that!). :) I never saw her with anything other than a smile on her face and a tremendous faith in God and HIS plans and love for all of us.

The recent chemo treatments had not worked as expected and the many tumors in her abdomen had continued to grow, causing a lot of pain. Just this week she had switched to a new pain medicine that had helped her to feel better without as many side effects, and she was on her 2^nd round of treatment with a new chemo drug. She emailed us on Monday after her treatment, sounding encouraged that the doctor did not think the biggest tumor had grown any more! Praise the Lord! It was stabilizing with this new drug! She was being proactive in her pain and nausea medication and fluids, as she had experienced a rough couple of weeks after the last dose of chemo. Some of the side effects that she had been experiencing before were lessening (like trembling of her hands) and she sounded very optimistic! I was thrilled to hear that! She expressed thanks for all the ladies that had joyfully come together and had spent a day scrapbooking her precious photos of her children and family for her, as well as praying over her. That had meant the world to her.

So many times, I would have a sore throat or slight upset stomach and would start to complain. I would then get an email from Andi, praising God that she was able to drink her smoothie that day without nearly as much pain in her mouth or gut! Boy how foolish I felt! For months, she could hardly even swallow her saliva without being in massive pain all throughout her mouth and throat (a side effect from a certain combination of chemo drugs). Yet we never heard her complain. She was always praising God. Letting us know that God had not healed her yet, but that she still had faith. Above all, she had faith that what she was going through and how she was handling it would be a testimony to the unsaved members of her family. Yes, she wanted to be healed and live a long life here on earth, but even more than that, she wanted to see her whole family guaranteed to be together forever in heaven! There is nothing greater!

Wednesday morning, before my children had even risen, Andi’s husband was dealing with anyone’s worst nightmare – performing CPR on his wife after her heart had stopped beating. She was rushed to the hospital and placed in the ICU – it was not looking too promising. As our coordinator relayed the information, we all stopped our now seemingly selfish chit-chatting at MOPS and prayed for her and her family. Silence and heaviness filled the room. However, as we prayed I was filled with immense peace, and saw a vision of Jesus standing on the left side of Andi’s bed – holding her hand with his right hand. He was just standing there patiently. At one point, He leaned down and put his other hand on her abdomen, and I sensed that a warm peace flowed from him into Andi. He then went back to standing calmly and lovingly beside her. He was not going to leave her. He never had and never would. He loves her too much!

The day dragged on as we waited for more news. I felt trapped at my house with all my kids – wanting to be there to comfort and pray with Andi’s friends and family at the hospital. However, I was, at the same time, wanting to love on my own kids and was so very thankful for the time I had been blessed with to spend with them. My kids and I prayed throughout the day. At 6:30 pm, I was debating whether to go to the hospital or to a local prayer service. I wished I had gone to the hospital. I was afraid of intruding. How silly, eh? I prayed and cried over Andi’s family and their situation at the prayer meeting. God filled me with His peace again and showed me another beautiful vision. This time it was of God ushering Andi on his left arm, down an aisle – as the bride of Christ that she is. She was entering the most beautiful and peaceful place imaginable. She was very happy and free from pain and thrilled to be walking with God! Little did I know that at this time the family had to make a tough decision.

“Andi has severe brain damage from lack of oxygen”, the doctor said. Amidst tears and sorrow, her husband and family painfully honored Andi’s written wishes, and around 8:30pm on Wednesday, they took her off the ventilator. She actually was breathing on her own for several hours, but by 1:30 am she was walking with her King, her Daddy, the greatest love of her life! Those of us left behind are dealing with our own grief – of losing a wife, mother, daughter, friend, encourager and more. But the one thing I am most grateful for right now, is that Andi has reminded me that I have been graciously given just one more day – to laugh, to love, to live, to cherish, to grieve, to mourn, to witness, to pray, to giggle, to play, to hold, to kiss, and yes – to even make lunches, set out cereal bowls and find lost shoes. I cannot take those things for granted today – and I hope that I never do. I am glad that I can walk and talk with my God here on earth – but I do long for the day to be just like Andi – holding my heavenly Daddy’s arm and entering into a glorious eternity!

May you all enjoy the “one more day” that you have been given today as well!

Blessings,

Lori :)

My Rock of Peace!

This week I have been carrying around a small rock in my pocket. Now, that's not unusual for me in the past - especially when my kids seemed to hand me new little pebbles, medium sized stones, and some large rocks each and every day. Eventually those stones would secretly make their way back into my garden or backyard. My pockets (and countertops) just couldn't hold onto them all!

I do know why they felt compelled to give me these rocks. How do I know? Because I asked them. Their response . . ."because we know you LOVE rocks mom!" :) ??? Hmmm . . . how did they know that? I don't recall saying that I loved this part of God's creation.

I did have a polished rock collection from my years of scouring the ground and quarries in rural Minnesota when I was in grade school. I would use my own rock polisher machine to make my agates, amythists, and other precious stones shine and sparkle. It was my own private gem collection! I was hooked! I couldn't help but look down everywhere I went - seeing what kind of rocks I could find. Occasionally I would find other treasures . . . coins, broken toys, candy wrappers and more. It was awesome!

So why have I been carrying around a small rock in my pocket all week now? No - it's not from my kids. Thankfully my kids outgrew (or forgot about) their habit of giving me such lovely stone gifts. This rock is a small smooth river rock that I had written "God's peace" on it during a MOPS craft activity last year. Here's how it ended up in my clothing.

This past Tuesday I was spending some time with the Lord. It had been awhile since I had some quality one-on-one time with Him without too many interruptions. I had alot on my mind to discuss with Him - so I started in. . . . . "What should we do about the kid's schooling next year? What should we do about . . . . What about this? . . . . and this? . . . . " etc - you get the picture. My mind was FULL! I had been feeling overwhelmed with life - not being able to get things done, trying to give my 5 kids and hubby all the attention they needed, getting frustrated at all the things in our house that need fixing - not to mention the fact that it always seems to be a mess and I'm tired of cleaning it . . . . . . . . . I'm just feeling discontent and overwhelmed lately.

I started walking along a dirt path with the Lord (in my mind as I was praying). I was talking to him about all the little stones around us on this path that I felt the need to pick up and do something with. It was so overwhelming as there were soooo many rocks - too many to hold in my hands (or pockets for that matter!). I asked God for what HE wanted to give me. He turned and picked up something - then placed it in my empty arms. It was a HUGE rock to carry! This was His "burden" (yoke) - but I realized that it really wasn't as heavy as it looked like it would be. It actually was quite comfortable to carry, kept my hands and arms completely full, and was really satisfying.

I continued to worry, however, about all the little stones we were passing that I still felt like I should be tending to (ie - all my daily tasks, family issues, my schedule, etc). He said to just focus on the rock that I was carrying instead. I looked at it closer and it had the word "PEACE" on it. I am to carry it for awhile. I continued to ask Him about the other stones (can you tell I'm stubborn??!) - but He showed me that I cannot pick them up without first putting down the PEACE rock. I cannot carry both right now. Maybe later we can deal with the little stones - but for now He wanted me to focus on this big rock. He then showed me a HUGE pile of other large rocks.
"Lori - I have all these to give you." God said.
It did seem really silly to me to want to pick up all the little one now. He said the big ones (which had the words - JOY, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, etc on them) are what He is giving me to use to build my altar/memorial glorifying Him (or foundation stones even). It is for my kids and grandkids to be able to see and say "Look at what the Lord has done." - just like in the OT when Joshua and the Israelites crossed the Jordan River. God had them take 12 stones from the riverbed and set them up at Gilgal. "Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever." (Josua 4:5-7)
God went on to tell me that the little stones (ie - worries of the day - the non-essentials in of true/eternal life) will not make good memorial stones. It would take forever to build with those little rocks! It would not be impressive. I would just be a pile of little stones.

PLUS - God also showed me that by carrying around His large "burdens" - the little stones would seem really easy to carry afterwards! :)

So . . . starting this past Tuesday, and for however long God deems necessary, my burden is to carry PEACE with me - in my life and in my family's life. That night I noticed that I had a good sized rock in my bathroom that I had bought at a store . . . and wouldn't you know it - the word "PEACE" was carved into it! :) I had forgotten about that! Then I found the small stone on my bedside table in a candle holder (with other stones). I have kept it in my pocket since then. Each time I notice my mind wandering down the path of picking up the little stones - I just feel the rock in my pocket and remind myself that I am already carrying PEACE! It has helped alot this week! :)

Some awesome scriptures about PEACE:

Psalm 34:14b - "Seek PEACE and pursue it."

Psalm 29:11 - "The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with PEACE."

Psalm 37:37b - "there is a future for the man of PEACE."

Psalm 119:165 - "Great PEACE have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble."

Proverbs 14:30 - "A heart at PEACE gives life to the body. . ."

Isaiah 26:3&4 - "You will keep in perfect PEACE him whose mind is steadfast, because he trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the ROCK eternal."

Isaiah 48:18 - "If only you had paid attention to my commands, your PEACE would have been like a river . . ."

Isaiah 57:2 - "Those who walk uprightly, enter into PEACE; they find rest as they lie in death."

Romans 15:13 - "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and PEACE as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (this verse got me through our adoption journey!)

Phillipians 4:6&7 - "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everthing, by prayer and pettion, with thansgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God which transcends all understandning will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

And for all of you . . .

"Now may the Lord of PEACE himself give you PEACE at all times and in every way . . ." (2 Thessalonians 3:16)

Blessings,
Lori :)